You might be a Republican if…

First posted at AddictingInfo.org

You Might be a Republican If……….

  1. You believe George W. Bush’s redistribution of middle-class tax cuts to the top 1% of tax-payers was good for America, but Obama’s plan to return it to the middle class is ‘socialism.’
  2. You believe stem cells are living human beings, but thousands of Iraqi children are ‘expendable collateral damage.’
  3. You believe tax cuts for billionaires is a great idea, yet you wonder why the economy has stalled, your job just got outsourced to India, and oil company executives receive $400,000,000.00 retirement packages.
  4. You believe the surge worked because the violence in Iraq is back to 2006 levels, which is only horrible, compared to what it was in 2007; intolerable. Besides, Brit Hume said so.
  5. You think trial lawyers are harmful to America, yet you support prosecuting some guy in Muncie Indiana who burned his 99¢ American flag that was made in China by forced child labor.
  6. You’re all for the ‘rule of law’ when it’s applied to Bill Clinton for lying about his infidelity, but not for prosecuting Karl Rove and Scooter Libby for committing treason.
  7. You think George W. Bush is actually a really smart guy, but his folksy manner just makes him seem dumber than he really is.
  8. You believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own, and that those who are born to poverty and never have opportunities for advancement, got what they deserved.
  9. You believe Ronald Reagan was a great president who had complete control of all aspects of government, but the Iran-Contra Affair was an insignificant scandal that went on without his knowledge.
  10. You believe Democrats tax and spend, but George W. Bush was a fiscal conservative.
  11. You believe Oliver North, who was CONVICTED of perjury, obstruction of justice, destroying evidence and accepting bribes, is a patriot. But John Kerry, who saved a man’s life while under enemy fire in Vietnam is a coward.
  12. You believe George W. Bush kept us safe from terror, and the failure to prevent the 9/11 attacks were Clinton’s fault.
  13. You actually believe Fox News is fair & balanced.
  14. You still believe Saddam had truckloads of WMDs, and that he somehow managed to sneak them into Syria, right under our noses.
  15. You believe Terri Schiavo was sentient all along, and Bill Frist had the ability to diagnose her condition by watching a 5 second video of her sleeping.
  16. You’re in favor of stronger prison sentences for drug users, yet your favorite radio personality is Rush Limbaugh.
  17. You complain about having to press 1 for English, yet you hire undocumented workers to mow your lawn because they’re cheaper than hiring the kid next door.
  18. Homosexuality is abhorrent to you, except when a Republican senator, the president of the National Association of Evangelicals, and a planted White House journalist get caught having sexual affairs with gay men. Then you suddenly feel sorry for them.
  19. The war in Iraq makes perfect sense to you, but any suggestion by Barack Obama that we target al Qaeda specifically is ‘dangerous and reckless.’
  20. You don’t mind that president Bush tortured men who were never charged with a crime, yet you’re horrified by the wrath of al Qaeda when they capture one of our guys.
  21. You believe the 1/10 of 1% of scientists who claim global warming is a hoax, and reject the 99.9% who say it’s real, because Sean Hannity and his friends in the oil industry have convinced you that science is a part of a greater liberal conspiracy.
  22. You believe patriotism means you should support your government right or wrong … unless a Democrat’s in power, then it’s your patriotic duty to call him a closet Muslim, challenge his birth certificate, expose his sex life and impeach him.
  23. You’re proud of your party’s ‘culture of life.’ Yet you support the death penalty for minors, you believe 600,000 dead Iraqis is justified because one of them was Saddam Hussein, and you oppose confronting the genocide in Darfur because they don’t have oil.
  24. You support prayer in school, as long as your kids aren’t subjected to Muslim prayers.
  25. You think Darwin’s theory of evolution is a loony fairy tale, and mankind actually began with two naked teenagers, a magic apple and a talking snake.
  26. You think $35 billion spent on health care for children is a waste of taxpayer’s money, but $1.7 trillion spent on a catastrophic war that has isolated us from our allies, decimated our economy and made us less safe was money well spent.
  27. You believe embargoing communist Cuba is sound foreign policy, but trading with China is just good business.
  28. You believe Bill Clinton was an immoral cad, but Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were faithful husbands (and Larry Craig just has a wide stance).
  29. You fervently defend the Constitution, but when president Bush got caught monitoring 300 million phones without a warrant, politicizing our justice system, hyping evidence for going to war and pardoning a convicted perjurer who just happened to be on his staff, then it’s okay, because he was ‘protecting America.’
  30. You were outraged when a gallon of gasoline went from $1.29 to $1.40 during the two terms of the Clinton presidency, but you didn’t seem to mind when prices tripled under George W. Bush, the “oil man.”
  31. You were furious when Bill Clinton pardoned international commodities trader Marc Rich, who was convicted of tax evasion, but applauded when George W. Bush exonerated Scooter Libby for obstructing justice to protect Dick Cheney from a treason indictment.
  32. With no evidence whatsoever, you complained of ‘voter fraud,’ and demanded that thousands of blacks be scrubbed from voting lists during the 2004 election in Ohio, yet when Rush Limbaugh asked his audience to illegally claim to be Democrats and vote for Hillary Clinton during the Ohio Primary in February to “stir up trouble,” a FELONY, you were okay with that.
  33. You believe Barack Obama should be held accountable for every sermon that Jeremiah Wright ever gave, but John McCain, who sought the endorsement of anti-Semitic, xenophobic, openly racist and homophobic pastors should be given a pass.
  34. You believe Barack Obama is either a secret Muslim, was actually born in Kenya, and his parents forged a fake birth certificate when he was born – just in case he should ever run for president, or that his father’s nationality disqualifies his son from being president, all because you read that on the Internet.
  35. You believe the 8 consecutive years of prosperity and strong economic growth from 1993 – 2001 was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, but today’s recession is all Clinton’s and Obama’s fault.
  36. You laugh at how much better Barack Obama speaks with a TelePrompTer than without one, yet you never mention the fact that even with a TelePrompTer, every time George Bush opened his mouth, gibberish tumbled out.
  37. You still believe Barack Obama has somehow succeeded in fooling every government and independent examination with his “obviously Photoshopped” documents. Instead, you rely on Internet gossip, WorldNetDaily and Jerome Corsi as your sources for “truth.”
  38. Your conservative media spent more air time discussing Michelle Obama touching the queen of England’s arm than on the economy, the environment, terrorism and health care combined.
  39. You believe that we should get out of Afghanistan because Obama is “nation building,” yet for eight straight years of Bush’s bumbling incompetence there, you kept mum. Therefore, attacking Iraq makes sense, even though they never threatened us, but finishing off the job of finding Osama bin Laden; the terrorist who killed 3,000 Americans — Bush’s original task — is a dumb idea.
  40. You were furious that Barack Obama admitted in France that Americans have occasionally been “arrogant, dismissive and derisive,” but you cheered them on when Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld were arrogant, dismissive and derisive.
  41. You believe that Obama’s $3.6 trillion budget is an outrage, but never once complained that George Bush turned Bill Clinton’s $300 billion surplus into a $1.3 trillion deficit. And it never once occurred to you that Bush deliberately omitted the Iraq and Afghanistan wars from those statistics, which means Bush’s TRUE deficit was $3.1 trillion.
  42. You supported Gov. Sarah Palin, partly because you believed she kept a good Christian home. This, despite the fact that her seventeen year old unmarried daughter was knocked up, her son was accused of vandalizing 44 school buses (cutting the brake lines of school buses – HELLO!!?) and was given the choice of going to jail or join the military, and Palin herself was found guilty of abusing the power of her office. But Barack Obama can’t possibly be a true Christian, because his father was a Muslim, and his middle name is Hussein. (Besides, he’s black, and everybody knows that Jesus was a blond haired blue eyed white man.)
  43. You believe the only solution to gun violence is to make sure everybody is armed to the teeth. That way, when some crazy person goes on a killing spree, right-thinking people will take out the killer, and tranquility will prevail throughout the land.
  44. You believe the mainstream news anchors are crazy, biased and filled with hate, but Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are rational, accurate and informative.
  45. You defend Rush Limbaugh’s right to wish for Obama to fail, and therefore, the failure of our republic, yet you call Democrats the “blame America first crowd.”
  46. You claim that the economic crisis is the fault of the Democrats, but never mention that it was the Reagan administration that massively deregulated the banking industry in 1982, and it was Phil Gramm – McCain’s choice for economic advisor – who completed the task for his pals in the banking industry in 1999.
  47. You believe the failure of the US automobile industry is primarily the fault of the unions, and not because management of the three corporations insisted on producing vehicles that nobody wanted. And you’re angry with the $28.00 per hour average wage of the work force, but you believe that the multimillion dollar salaries of the men who bankrupted the industry are perfectly reasonable.
  48. You believe Barack Obama is a “narcissistic megalomaniac,” because you heard Glenn Beck call him that once, but Beck himself is a humble man, concerned only for your welfare (brought to you by Goldline!).
  49. You believe anybody who doesn’t subscribe to Orly Taitz’ birther movement is a RINO, and those who do, are carrying the torch of Reaganism.
  50. You think this list is mean-spirited and biased, and even though you privately acknowledge to yourself that it’s all true, you believe the Democrats are just as bad. Here’s a bulletin: Nobody has ever been this bad.

  32 comments for “You might be a Republican if…

  1. November 28, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Please review the commenting guidelines before leaving a comment. -mdw

  2. P.Hertel
    November 28, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    For #46 you would still have to acknowledge the massive damage done by the Clinton Admin. Probably more than Reagan…. and I am much farther on the left than you. Just not blind.

  3. November 28, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Sure, acknowledged – the Dems are just as much to blame in many cases, difference being that the LEFT will hold them accountable, unlike the GOP who not only CONDONES but ENCOURAGES it.

  4. November 28, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    OK so 1 out of 50 can be shared by the Democrats. Your point is… ?

  5. November 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Exactly John. Pick one issue, hang your hat and ignore the rest of reality. I honestly think if a GOP candidate got caught en flagrante in bestiality they’d claim PETA set him up.

  6. Jean M. Dorsinville
    November 28, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    Outstanding research and well documented. The right may find a way to wiggle itself out of it but the truth is overpowering.

  7. November 28, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    Thanks Jean! Bruce Linder wrote this piece some time ago and keeps updating it. Fantastic work – check him out at AddictingInfo.org

  8. Simon_Jester
    November 28, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    ..you constantly rant about the need for less taxes and smaller government, while also insisting that Arizona’s controversial new immigration law wouldn’t have been necessary, “if the Federal Government was doing its job.”

    …you blame Barack Obama for the TARP bailout, ‘because he voted for it’ — but not Mitch McConnell, who also voted for it.

    …you were outraged over the fact that John Kerry ‘married his money’, but not over the fact that John MCain also married his money.

    …you think Barney Frank is solely to blame for the housing crisis.

    …all during the Bush presidency, you habitually referred to liberals as, Anti-American, Pro-Terrorist, and Traitors, but now, when you hear the term, ‘Tea-Bagger’, you become righteously indignant.

  9. Danielle
    November 29, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Wonderful piece of research done here. Sad thing is, this could be used as a piece of a comedy routine and the right-wingers would laugh… at themselves. Yet, when it’s a part of the “liberal media” they’ll cry “FOUL!”. Gotta love irony…

    Thanks for the repost. :)

  10. Pete
    November 30, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    You’re all for the ‘rule of law’ when it’s applied to Bill Clinton for lying about his infidelity, but not for prosecuting Karl Rove and Scooter Libby for committing treason.

    Never proven about Rove and Libby. Clinton lied – pure and simple

    You believe Oliver North, who was CONVICTED of perjury, obstruction of justice, destroying evidence and accepting bribes, is a patriot. But John Kerry, who saved a man’s life while under enemy fire in Vietnam is a coward.

    Kerry never saved anybody. He is an unadulterated pussy, gigolo, and fortune seeker. Yes Ollie North is a patriot, as is Clinton. They both were convicted for breaking the law, but served their country. Kerry just serves himself.

    You believe George W. Bush kept us safe from terror, and the failure to prevent the 9/11 attacks were Clinton’s fault.

    Easy. Yes. Clinton was getting blowjobs while terrorists were were blowing up embassies, ships and the Trade center.

    You’re in favor of stronger prison sentences for drug users (NO I AM NOT), yet your favorite radio personality is Rush Limbaugh.

    Yes, most entertaining personality on the radio, short of Michael Savage and Neal Boortz.

    You complain about having to press 1 for English, yet you hire undocumented workers to mow your lawn because they’re cheaper than hiring the kid next door.

    The kid next door is a moron from playing video games all his wretched life. I’m teaching my undocumented workers how to be Americans, conservative Americans, not whiny liberals.

    You believe the 1/10 of 1% of scientists who claim global warming is a hoax, and reject the 99.9% who say it’s real, because Sean Hannity and his friends in the oil industry have convinced you that science is a part of a greater liberal conspiracy.

    Show me the names of the 99.9% and their credentials. Then show me the accuracy of our vaunted weathermen who can’t predict the weather next weekend. Oh, how about the accuracy of those vaunted scientists who predicted record hurricanes last year and this year? Hmmm-they must have occurred on Mars. Go look at the government dollars earmarked for AGW study around the world (Show me the money). Gee why did the Carbon tax exchange in Chicago get set up and has now folded? (Show me the money).

    You support prayer in school, as long as your kids aren’t subjected to Muslim prayers.

    Yep. Christian morals are the underpinning to capitalism, individual freedom and the like. Muslim religion rejects queers, women, individual freedom. Easy choice.

    You think $35 billion spent on health care for children is a waste of taxpayer’s money, but $1.7 trillion spent on a catastrophic war that has isolated us from our allies, decimated our economy and made us less safe was money well spent

    Large straw man. $35 billion is the camel’s nose in the tent. It will turn into the $1.7 trillion in a few years. Not in favor of war or bloated defense budget. But if our spineless pols get us into one, then we have to put the hammer down hard and finish it before we drain our national treasure. There ain’t no just war and because we try to wage them in a politically correct manner, we waste lives and treasure.

    Actually agree with many of these. That’s why I am a registered independent.

    :

    Click here: You might be a Republican if… | Free Range Longmont

  11. Gregory Iwan
    November 30, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    You also might be . . . if you believe that Obama committing (before paybacks, like GM) $1.3 trillion-plus to rescue the eocnomy from the abyss was a gross, growing-government error, BUT Reagan’s commitment of $2.1 trillion to outspend the Soviet Union (the whole kit and kaboodle ended up in the pockets of U.S. defense contractors) was wise, efficient, and proper. AND, you swear you love your country, and yet hate at least half of it (the non-GOP half). Get this put on your T-shirt, fast: “Roses are red, violets are blue; I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.”

  12. November 30, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    @Pete – Scooter’s in prison. He surely did SOMETHING illegal. Clinton lied about getting a blowjob – not like he was caught in an airport bathroom lookin’ for love.

  13. Ron
    December 1, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Gee, someone else out there who gets wound up about stuff! Sad thing is, only folks who depend on logic and reason to make decisions get it; and those folks will agree with you anyway. No one else will get past the first two or three items, even if they do accidentally visit your site. But, preaching to the choir can be therapeutic.

  14. December 1, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    I dunno Ron… the ‘choir’ is getting new members in amazing numbers. ‘No one else will get past the first two or three items…’ -? Our traffic says otherwise and those numbers are no accident.

  15. Bruce Lindner
    December 2, 2010 at 8:36 am

    To Pete, who posted on 11/30 — Your response to my list is hilarious in it’s disingenuousness. You pointed out that nothing was proven regarding Rove and Libby. True… thanks to Libby’s taking the fall, yet you dodged the gist of my point, which was that Republicans defended the actions taken against Plame & Wilson (in stark contrast to what they’re saying today about WikiLeaks).

    Point two: Clinton lied. Yes, he did. He lied about cheating on his wife, and the GOP grossly overreacted, and impeached him for it. George Bush lied about the predicate for invading a sovereign state, which resulted in the deaths of untold thousands, and again, the GOP defended it. As with the treasonous acts of Rove, Cheney and Libby… not to mention an institutionalized policy of TORTURE, you “family values” types never let out a peep.

    Point three: You’re sure John Kerry didn’t save anybody? Then why did all of the men onboard his boat say he did, as opposed to the Swiftboat Vets for “Truth,” who weren’t close enough to, several of which admitted that they were pressured to lie? Rather than getting your information from Fox News, you might consider picking up a newspaper once in a while, and read some actual NEWS.

    I’m on an iPad right now, so I won’t address any of your other nonsense. But suffice it to say, that your post brought a smile to my face. The total absence of veracity of everything you said, tells me all I need to know; that the facts I put forward in my list, hit a nerve with you… because you know it’s all true.

  16. December 2, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    You’re a Republican if your support felons and are proud of it.

    “Nigerian authorities will charge former Vice President Dick Cheney over a bribery scandal that is alleged to involve Halliburton, Business Week reports. An arrest warrant “will be issued and transmitted through Interpol,” said Godwin Obla, the prosecuting counsel at the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission in Nigeria.”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/02/nigeria-dick-cheney-to-be_n_790917.html

    Also: http://www.freerangelongmont.com/2010/11/27/tom-delay-the-hammer-is-nailed/

  17. December 2, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    I think it’s interesting that Rangel’s getting censured, but Ensign gets off scot-free. There’s some irony for ya.

  18. Gregory Iwan
    December 3, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    Yeah, those same Nigerians who always seem to need you to send them some money, so they can send it back, etc., etc. . . . . I’d feel a whole lot better if it was South Africa or Iceland that was issuing such a warrant. Can you imagine that poor process server? And, hey, are we sure Chain-Veep can even read? I doubt W can, much or well. If these guys have the right to remain silent, why did we hear so much from them from 2001 until 2009? At least from Chain-Veep. Far too much, I’d say.

  19. Susan
    December 6, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    I would love to send this to my brother who is a cop and said on Thanksgiving day: “I don’t understand how they can convict Tom Delay, it wasn’t like he murdered anyone or sold drugs to kids?”
    And then followed up with this: “I won’t see that stupid movie W, why can’t they make a movie about Clinton?”
    uhhhhhhh, i guess you didn’t see Primary Colors did ya bro?

  20. Gregory Iwan
    December 6, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    So send it already!

  21. Steve
    December 30, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    As a former Republican, I agree with this entirely. Republicans and all Americans would do well to remember the words of Thomas Paine:

    ‎”Truth is naturally benign; but false-hood believed to be truth is always furious.”

  22. Phil
    February 9, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Have to (almost) smile at the accuracy….just wish the Clarence Thomas thing were also included….to think that the Supreme Court “justices” sell out, just like too many Members of Congress is appalling!

  23. Trololo
    June 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Good idea. Keep up the faux war between parties. I’m sure that will help.

    Just vote for Ron Paul and enjoy at 4 years of intelligent leadership for once in your pathetic lives.

  24. CSUL
    June 27, 2011 at 1:15 am

    You may be a Republican if you support Mitt Romney, a 2012 hopeful who has denounced the new health-care law set in motion by President Obama. Let me remind you that this law is basically the same law Romney submitted for his state. Let me add that Romney had support for this law from the Republicans.

    You may be a Republican if you can listen to Palin tell the media how Paul Revere “warned us that the British wouldn’t take away our arms by ringing those bells,” without batting a lash, get on Wikipedia, and change the article to reflect Palin’s story. Yeah, that’s right. We are changing history now in support of mouth-breathing candidates.

    Oh, you may be a Republican if you refuse to acknowledge that journalism no longer exists, and the media and its coverage of politics is a circus.

  25. anOPINIONATEDsob
    July 11, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    if your IQ is a single digit number and your check book balance is seven figures you might be a republican, or you might be a governor from Florida!

  26. Mr. Canuck
    July 31, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    You Americans are the laughing stock of the world. You dump napalm all over Vietnam and burn millions of innocent Vietnamese women and children to death then you get all indignant when 2500 Americans get doused with jet fuel and burned. It was just bad karma.

    Your country is populated by ignorant, morally bankrupt fools and that applies to Dems as well as Repugs. None of you are any good. You get all uptight because Clinton got a blow job when anyone of you would have done the same thing had the opportunity presented itself to you. Yet you see nothing wrong with destroying Iraq

  27. Mr. Canuck
    July 31, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    All of you Americans, Dem and Repug, are ignorant, morally bankrupt fools. You dump millions of gallons of napalm on Vietnam and burn millions of innocent Vietnamese women and children to death and then whine like babies when 2500 of your own get doused with jet fuel and torched in the WTC. You had it coming. You totally asked for it. It was just your own bad karma.

    You all get bent out of shape because Clinton did what any of you would have done and got a blowjob but when Bush invades Iraq and kills thousands of Iraqis and destroys their country over a lie he knew he was telling, you do nothing. You just sit back and let the war criminal go free. There was no al Qaeda in Iraq but there is now, thanks to Bush. And the thing is that polls before the invasion showed that 84% of Americans were in favor of the invasion. Dem or Repug, you’re all alike. And now your country is bankrupt and the only thing you can do is borrow more money to pay the interest on your debt.

    The smartest thing you brain dead yahoos could do at this point is dissolve your federal and state governments and beg the Canadian government to annex your lands as The Southern Territory. We would appoint officials to administer and govern you. We would install an education system and suspend voting until such time as you can tell fresh oats from oats that have been through a horse. You might even gain back the respect you tossed away, in time, if you work very hard.

    There’s just one condition. Not one of you will be allowed across the border into Canada. We don’t want to be infected with whatever it is that ails all of you.

  28. July 31, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Wow. Those two comments are such universal bashings on basically everyone I’m just going to put it out there for folks to comment on. Thank you for commenting. Whoo boy.

  29. October 2, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    The trouble with this list is that it is too kind to the GOP, ad particularly to the Teapublicans.

  30. Gregory Iwan
    October 23, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Pete has “undocumented workers?” How interesting!

    And Mr. Canuck might have something, behind the rhetoric. I get all raucous myself at times. Those fellers up north seem a good deal more peaceful, and a bit more healthy (health-care system actually does WORK, contrary to what we are told “down here”). They don’t drive a whole lot better, but look out when they decide to stop selling us all their petroleum. That’s coming, and then goodbye longest peaceful border!

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