Tag Archive for Borowitz Report

‘What Harm Could a Governor of Texas Do?’

Lone Star Candidate Kicks Off 2012 Bid

According to Andy Borowitz, “Gov. Perry said that he hoped to bring down the cost of the federal government the same way he reined in costs in Texas, ‘by making the state no longer habitable for human life as we know it.'”

Rick Perry will be running on the slogan, “What Harm Could a Governor of Texas Do?

According to the Washington Post, “Our opponents on the left are never going to like us, so let’s quit trying to curry favor with them,” Perry said.

Back atcha, Governor Perry, back atcha. It’s great to know that you recognize one — though only one — factual reality, “Our opponents on the left are never going to like us.”

Borowitz: 2012 Election Cancelled

The decision to scrap the 2012 contest came on the heels of a new poll showing President Barack Obama with an approval rating of one hundred percent, believed to be a record high for an American president. The new bipartisan spirit sweeping the nation was captured well by House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who tearfully told reporters, “This is a great day for America… oh, leave me alone, goddamn it.”

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